Drunk driving is a serious problem. It leads to thousands of deaths and injuries every year. This page explains how we can reduce it. But first, enjoy some drunk driving jokes.
I. Drunk Driving Jokes
- An officer pulls a guy over for suspected drunk driving. He opens the door and the driver falls out. The officer says “You’re so drunk, you can’t even walk!” The drunk says “That’s why I took my car!”
- I went out drinking last night and had too much to drive home. So I took a bus home. I got home safely home, although I’ve never driven a bus before!
- I had a terrible nightmare that I got arrested for drunk driving. It scared me so bad that I woke up, drove out of the ditch and went home.
- Sign on a billboard with photo of police car. “You provide the drinks we’ll provide the chasers.”
- So I was taking a sip of my favorite whiskey, someone snatched my bottle at a red light.
- I never drink and drive…I do my drinking before driving.
- Never drink and drive. You won’t have enough hands free to answer your phone if someone calls you.
- My local golf club proposed a new rule that people are no longer allowed to play while drunk. Yeah, I guess there was too many people driving under the influence.
- Why was the dwarf having trouble driving? Well, he was a little drunk.
- Hey, you’re too drunk to drive. Do you want me to call you a taxi? Sure, thanks. “You’re a taxi.”
- A woman gets into an accident while driving. She tries to explain to the officer that it wasn’t her fault. She says the other guy was drinking and on his phone! The officer says, “Ma’am, he could do that in his own backyard.”
- You know why there’s no Fathers Against Drunk Driving? It would just be a fadd.
- Officer: “I notice your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?” Driver: “I noticed your eyes are glazed over. Have you been eating donuts?”
- An officer pulls over a man who is clearly under the influence. He says to the man, “We’re going to have to give you a drug test.” The man replies, “Cool, which drugs are we testing?”
- A man driving home from the bar gets pulled over by an officer. He says to the driver “Tell you what, my shift is ending so if you can spell the alphabet backwards, I’ll let you go.” Very fast the driver says “ZYXWVUTSRQPONMLKJIHGFEDCBA.” The officer says “Wow, I couldn’t do that sober.” The driver exclaims “Me neither.”
- An officer sees a man leave a bar at closing time and get into his car. After seeing erratic driving, he pulls the man over. The officer asks the driver, “Where are you going at this time of night?” The man replies, “I’m on my way to attend a lecture about alcohol abuse and its effects on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late.” The officer asks, “Who would give that kind of lecture at this time of night?” The man says, “My wife.”
- An officer was staking out a bar for possible drunk drivers. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. Then he sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes. Everyone left the bar and drove off. Finally, he started his engine and began to pull away. The police officer was waiting for him. He stopped the driver, read him his rights and administered a breathalyzer test. The results showed a reading of 0.00! The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be. The driver replied, “Tonight, I’m the designated decoy.
- An officer said “Ma’am, you were speeding. Can I see your license please?” She said “I don’t have one. Lost it for drunk driving.” He responded “Then could I see your vehicle registration, please? She said “I can’t because I stole this car. He said “Stole it?” Then she said “Yes, and I killed the owner. He’s in the trunk.” The officer slowly backed away and called for back up. Shortly, police cars circle her vehicle. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun. Ma’am, step out of your vehicle! She complies. He said “One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner. She replied “Murdered the owner?” He ordered “Yes, open the trunk of your car! She opened the trunk, which is empty. He asked “Is this your car, ma’am?” She said “Yes, here is the registration.” The first officer was stunned. The senior officer said he claims that you didn’t have a driving license. The woman handed the license to him. The senior officer said he told me you didn’t have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered the owner. She said “Bet the liar told you I was speeding too!”
II. How We Can Reduce Drunk Driving
We can take many actions to reduce drunk driving. Research has shown that all of the following are effective.
- Automatic license revocation and required jail is even more effective.
- Confiscating license plates.
- Requiring ignition interlock devices. These prevent people with alcohol on their breath from starting a vehicle.
- Vehicle impoundment.
- Alcohol server training.
- Social norms programs.
- Requiring alcohol testing in fatal crashes. That helps convicting drunk drivers.
- DWI courts work with hard-core repeat offenders. They do so by treating alcoholism. The failure rate of DWI and DUI courts is very low.
A. Drunk Driving Jokes
- Aldrich, J. & Taylor, J. A Dragon Walks Into a Bar. NY: Adams, 2019.
- Arnott, S. & Haskers, M. Man Walks Into a Bar. Berkeley: Ulysses, 2022.
- FHM Biggest Bar Room Jokes. London: Prion, 2016.
- Sperling, F, et al. A Man Walks Into a Bar. Ostfildern: Hate, 2014.
- Southwell, D. & Wigand, S. The 500 Best Bar Jokes. London: Prion. 2009.
B. Reducing Drunk Driving
- CO Div Prob Serv. Older Adults Driving Under the Influence. Denver: The Div, 2019.
- Frank, R. and White, T. Under the Influence. Putting Peer Pressure to Work. Princeton, NJ: Princeton U Press, 2020.
- Nolan, J. Drug Courts in Theory and in Practice. NY: Routledge, 2017.
- Mendralla, V. and Grosshandler, J. Drinking and Driving, Now What? NY: Rosen, 2012. Juv.
- National Center for Victims of Crime. Driving Under the Influence. Washington: The Center, 2016.
- Nichols, J. and Ross, H. The effectiveness of legal sanctions in dealing with drinking drivers. NCJ 131534.
- Shore, E. & Ferrari, J. Preventing Drunk Driving. Hoboken: Taylor and Francis, 2014.
Image (laughing emoji) used by permission of FreePik (freepik.com).