Hope you enjoy these hangover jokes!

Hangover Jokes

• • I drank too much alcohol at the airport last night. So now I have a terminal hangover.
  • He asked “What’s this? Will it cure my hangover??” “It’s a breathlyzer, sir,” said the officer. “Please step out of your vehicle.”
  • I think Greek food should cure my hangover. Yet it never works…. I still falafel.
  • What did the drunk ask his friend? “Can I hangover at your place?”
  • Last Sunday morning I was awakened by my neighbor’s mower going at 7:00 o’clock. I had a terrible hangover so I let him cut around me.
  • What’s the best way to avoid a hangover? Stay drunk! 
  • I have A.D.H.D. It’s Alcohol Drinking and Hangover Disorder. 
  • A hangover is a wrath of grapes. 
  • What do you call a hangover when you’re alone in Spain? Barf-a-lona
  • I had such a massive hangover this morning. I just stood in the shower for nearly an hour…Finally, I gathered the strength to turn it on.
  • I’m a recovering alcoholic…Recovering from a hangover.
  • What’s the best thing for a hangover? Drink heavily the night before.
  • Beer is the best cure for hangovers. That’s because it’s good for what ales you.
  • I’ve started a new religion based on drinking absenthe. But I miss a lot of work…..It’s called absinthe-theism.
  • Already accomplished my New Year’s resolution. It was to survive the New Year’s Day’s hangover. 

How Can I Get Over a Hangover Fast?

Many people suggest the following.

• • Drink strong black coffee.
  • Take a cold shower.
  • Drink water.
  • Sweat
  • Get fresh air.
  • Eat food.
  • Vomit
  • Take a multi-vitamin.
  • Use a pill sold to increase metabolism.

In fact, none of these ideas helps get over a hangover. The only thing that helps is time.

Blood alcohol concentration (BAC) drops at the rate of .015 of BAC every hour. And it’s virtually the same for everyone. So height, weight, gender, race, and ethnicity doesn’t matter.

BAC drops 0.015 of BAC every hour.  So a person with a BAC of 0.15 will have no alcohol in the blood after ten hours. That is, 0.15 divided by .015 = 10. 

Similarly, a driver with a BAC of 0.08 will have no alcohol in the blood after 5.33 hours. Again, 0.08 divided by 0.015 = 5.33

How Can I Prevent Hangovers?

• • Drink in moderation. (See below for tips.)
  • Choose clear alcoholic beverages. Examples include vodka and gin.¹ Darker beverages make hangovers worse. Examples include dark beer and red wine.
  • Avoid effervescent drinks. They increase absorption of alcohol into the blood.
  • Drink a lot of water. This dilutes alcohol in the blood.
  • Avoid diet beverages. Artificial sweeteners speed alcohol absorption.

Tips for Drinking in Moderation

• • Standard drinks of beer, wine, and liquor (distilled spirits) have the same amount of pure alcohol.

    

  • Eat while drinking. 
  • Sip your drinks.
  • Don’t play drinking games. 
  • Have a non-alcoholic drink between alcoholic ones.
  • Pace your drinks. No more than one alcoholic drink per hour. That’s a good rule of thumb.
  • Stick with standard drink sizes. Otherwise, it’s hard to keep track of your intake of pure alcohol.
  • Avoid punches. 
  • Accept an alcoholic drink only when it fits your drinking schedule.

Resources: Hangover Jokes 

Jokes & Trivia Web Pages

• • Drinking Jokes and One Liners
  • Alcohol Jokes: Fun Alcohol Drinking Humor – Part II
  • Prohibition Trivia
  • Bar Trivia
  • Beer Trivia
  • Liquor Trivia
  • Wine Trivia
  • Alcohol and the Body Trivia
  • Alcohol Word Trivia

Hangover Web Pages

• • How Can I Sober Up Fast?
  • Kudzu and Hangovers.
  • How Long Does Alcohol Stay in Your Body?
  • How Alcohol Effects Us: The Biphasic Curve Shows the Pleasure vs Pain Relationship.

Fun Readings

• • Aldrich, J. & Taylor, J. A Dragon Walks Into a Bar. NY: Adams, 2019.
  • Arnott, S. & Haskers, M. Man Walks Into a Bar. Berkeley: Ulysses, 2022.
  • Drinking Jokes. Northampton: Powerfresh, 2003.  
  • Foley, R. Beer is the Answer … I Don’t Remember the Question. Naperville: Sourcebooks, 2007. 
  • FHM Biggest Bar Room Jokes. London: Prion, 2016.
  • FHM Presents the Best of Beach Bar Jokes. London: Carlton, 2006.
  • Forbes, E. The World’s Best Drinking Jokes. London: Harper, 1993.
  • Sperling, F, et al. A Man Walks Into a Bar. Ostfildern: Hate, 2014.
  • Lewis, M. A Guy Walks Into a Bar—. NY: Black Dog, 2005.
  • Southwell, D. & Wigand, S. The 500 Best Bar Jokes. London: Prion. 2009.
  • Swan, J. Man Walks Into a Bar. London: Ebury, 2007.
  • ______. Blonde Walks Into a Bar. Berkeley, Ulysses, 2008.
  • ______. Man Walks Into a Bar 2. London: Ebury, 2011.
  • ______. Man Walks Into a Bar 3. London: Ebury, 2011.

Reference

1. The very best choice is a high-end vodka. That’s because their producers re-distill them many times. So they’re the clearest of the clear.

Also, do you know of any hangover jokes that might be added? If so, please contact hansondj (@) Potsdam (.) edu/. In fact, readers help improve this website. So thank you for helping!